If there is one lesson you will learn in life, its that you are the most important person in the world. But some days its hard to believe that you are important especially when everything is working against you. Your grades are deteriorating and your relationship is failing. Everyday you try your luck to get a job but you go home unemployed after walking into different offices. What if I tell you that despite the challenges you face, you can still love yourself no matter what.
You might just be another person when it comes to the scheme of things,but when it comes to your understanding of reality ,you are the only thing that matters. Your reality depends on how much you love and take care of you.
Loving yourself will change your life and make it better. Its not enough to post a photo in Instagram or Facebook holding a mug of coffee with a self-love hashtag. I know that this trend is common especially when we are going throw a breakup. We try our best to prove to the other person that we can do well without them. But is it really enough?Why do we end up feeling worse? Do you have to prove to anyone how much you love yourself?Learn to love yourself first,instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.Click To Tweet
Loving yourself is a journey that you need to embark on daily. It will never be a destination. It doesn’t mean that you will love everything about yourself. We all have traits that we are not proud of but that shouldn’t stop you from loving yourself. Even when the whole world is against you, you need to believe yourself and hold your head high and conquer the world.
I wouldn’t chock you with many things that you need to do in order to love yourself. Instead I will expound on four things you can start doing now to love yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the most defining factor in shaping the kind of life you live. In this guide you will learn four fundamental steps on how to love loving yourself no matter what. Every step is detailed to help you make the most of it.
Practice Daily Mirror Work and Affirmations
Mirror work is an effective method of learning to love yourself and see the world differently as a safe haven. Affirmations are anything you say or think. All your self-talk and dialogue that happens in your head is a form of affirmations. Affirmations are messages to your subconscious mind that develop patterns of thinking and behavior. Positive affirmations plant healing and self-love that build self-confidence and self-esteem which is the foundation of loving yourself.
Affirmations said out loud and in front of a mirror are powerful. Why? Because the mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you more aware of the words that bring you joy and what you should avoid saying. The more you perform mirror work ,the more you become aware of your internal monologue and your actions. You learn to take care of yourself on a deeper level that brings fulfillment.
When something good happens in your life, you can go to the mirror and say,” I am proud of you for your achievement. Thank you for doing this.” When something bad happens to you, you go to the mirror and say,” This too shall pass. I love you and believe that you will get through this. Stay strong.”
For most of us standing before a mirror and saying out loud positive affirmations is hard at first. This is because we are so quick to say hurtful words to ourselves that we can’t say to someone else. That’s why its called mirror work. The more you practice mirror work, the less you self-criticize and the mirror becomes your companion.
As you use it for complimenting, approving and supporting yourself during difficult times,the deeper and more enjoyable your relationship with yourself becomes. Here are some example affirmations you can speak to yourself in front of a mirror.
- I love myself.
- I am filled with hope.
- I believe in my abilities and myself.
- I can face this day and its challenges with strength.
- I trust my gut and follow my heart and intuition.
- I take ownership of my success and failures.
- I show compassion for myself and others.
- I have all it takes to be successful and confident.
- I don’t let others discourage me from my goals.
- I show compassion for others and myself.
- I let go of my fears ,anxieties and negative thoughts.
Practice mirror work after waking up and before sleeping for effective results.
Get Out of Your Own Way
One behavior that affects nearly every aspect of our life be it relationships, career or personal development is self sabotage. Although very common, it is a frustrating cycle of behavior that leaves us with low self confidence and leave us feeling stuck. Self sabotage is when you actively or passively stop yourself from achieving your goals.
Drug abuse, overeating or procrastination are all ways in which we self sabotage. Not committing or being a poor friend are also some of the ways people self sabotage when all they want is connection.
Related post:How to overcome procrastination right now
Why do we Self Sabotage?
- We lack self-worth. When we don’t have confidence we will do things to stop ourselves from achieving our fullest potential.
- We fear success. We may worry that we truly aren’t qualified or prepared and that we will be exposed as a fraud.Our fear of success leads us to engage in behavior that limits our success.
- We want to place fault elsewhere. When we believe that we aren’t going to do well or will fail no matter what, we begin behaving in ways that ensures we fail.When we do fail, we look for something or someone else to blame. And so we procrastinate on our goal leading us to self-sabotage.
- We fear failure.We fear that we will give all we have to a goal and still not be enough.
Once we identify why we are self sabotaging we can then begin taking steps to overcome the destructive behavior. Make a list of all the things that you think are causing you to self sabotage. Take time to evaluate why you want to achieve your goals and identify the small things,like complaining,that hold you back along with the big ones.
If you are afraid of failure,consider listing all the ways you have succeeded in the past. Take a look at all the wonderful things you have achieved in the past. If you don’t feel worthy, It might be time to focus on self care . Stop focusing on what you think you do wrong and work on recognizing what you do right.
Make yourself a priority. Prioritizing yourself will help you to boost your self-confidence and allow you to be better equipped to face your fear and move beyond self sabotage. Get out of your own way and give yourself a chance to love yourself to the fullest.
Journal your feelings
When you were a teenager, you probably kept a diary under your pillow where you wrote you feelings and experiences. It was your place to confess your fears and struggles without judgement . It felt good to get all of those thoughts from your mind to paper which always left you feeling clearer. When you got into adulthood, you probably stopped keeping a diary but the same concept still applies.
Journaling is writing your thoughts and feelings to understand them clearly. If you struggle with loving yourself no matter what journaling is a great way to help you gain control of your emotions and improve your mental health. It helps you by:
- Helping you prioritize your problems,fears and concerns
- Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviors
When you have a problem and you’re stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety. Journaling is a healthy lifestyle for better managing stress,anxiety and mental health conditions. To get the most out of it, be sure to:
- Get enough sleep every night.
- Eat a healthy and balanced diet.
- Exercise regularly.
- Relax and meditate to avoid stress.
- Keep off drugs and alcohol.
How to Journal
Try these tips to help you get started with journaling.
- Write every day. Create time to write in your journal everyday. Journaling is effective when done regularly.
- Make your journal accessible. Make your pen and journal accessible so that you can write down your thoughts when you want to. You can also keep it in your computer file.
- Write whatever comes to your mind. Your journal doesn’t need to have a structure. Just write whatever feels right and in your mind. It is after all, your private place where you can fully express yourself without judgment and fear.
- Use your journal as you please. If you don’t want anyone getting access to your journal, you don’t have to show it to them. If some parts are private, you can choose to show them what is not.
Keeping your journal helps you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. You get to know yourself by revealing your most private thoughts ,fears and feelings. Look at your writing time as a personal relaxing time to help you love yourself no matter what.
Related post : 10 best ways to relieve stress when life is hard.
Affectionately Detach From Negative People
Negative people love bringing others down and it seems like that’s what they enjoy doing. At first you listen,offering a compassionate ear and hoping their negativity will pass. But if you are dealing with a pessimistic negative person, chances are that the person will drain you emotionally.Negativity is contagious and if you are not proactive enough to manage your mindset, chances are your mood will be infected by hostility.
That’s why you need to affectionately detach from negative people without infecting yourself of the contagious emotion. Use these simple strategies to shield yourself from their hostility.
- Maintain your emotional distance. Whatever happens when you are in contact with a negative person, don’t scoop to their level. Trying to convince someone to stop their negativity and see the positive side of life doesn’t help either. A difficult person probably has a negative mindset embedded in their personality. They have a narcissistic nature and put pressure on others they associate with.Limit your expectations when dealing with them.Acknowledge their comments without endorsing what they say.Agree with them as far as you can ,then rephrase their complaints with less negativity. You cannot change someone’s personality but you can neutralize their toxic look.
- Remember that its not your job to make an unhappy person happy. An easy way to annoy an unhappy person is to tell them to be happy. I mean, do you think they enjoy being unhappy. Trying to change their outlook on life overnight is impossible and can do a lot of harm to your mental health. The best way to handle it is to empathetic and sympathize with them but not trying to solve their problems.
- Get a break after dealing with a negative person.You need a break after dealing with someone who zaps you emotionally. Give yourself time to recharge your batteries so when you deal with them again you have patience and endurance to deal with them. Its wise to limit your exposure to the person when possible. Don’t fell pressured to invite them over ,answer their calls or respond to their messages.
- Speak less and listen more. Try not to take insensitive comments personally.Listen with judgement . They may have a point even if they are expressing it in hurtful words. Take time to learn something from or about them. Save yourself a heartache and hold your tongue. When faced with a negative person you can be tempted to respond angrily . Responding angrily only feeds their negativity. If you do respond,keep it objective and unemotional. Explain your points carefully and thoughtfully. Do this and you will never again regret a conversation with a negative person.
- Guide the conversation. You can guide the conversation towards neutral topics by gently acknowledging what they are saying before moving on to something else. Try asking questions that help the person reflect on their situation when they are constantly complaining so that they may have a positive outlook on life.
- Affirm your positivity by doing nice things for a negative person on occasion. Strive to personify positivity and be the light at the end of the tunnel. Wear your enthusiasm like an armor and let your joy be contagious. Do nice things for them and help them feel good about themselves by your positive mindset.
Related post: The power of negative emotions.
You can have a successful relationship with yourself without feeling pressured. Don’t expect massive changes overnight.Focus on being happy and loving yourself no matter what.
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